Resolve to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, tolerant with the weak, and forgiving with the wrong. Sometime in your life you will have been all of these.Lloyd Shearer
I had a call from a coaching client looking for some quick tips to get him through a rough spot. For the sake of confidentiality I will call him “Ben”.
Ben called me and expressed that he was feeling inadequate in his life, in his job, and as a provider to his family.
We chatted for a while and I suggested to Ben that he be more gentle on himself and that he talk to himself as a best friend would do. I asked him what he would say to the 5 year old version of himself? He responded with something like “you will have to figure a way out of this”.
I suggested that he might say things like:
I’ve got your back.
I’m here for you.
It’s not as bad as it seems.
Together we will get through this.
I also suggested to Ben that if he could work at getting excited about what the future holds, it could help him bridge himself from his painful present. Sometimes we need a bridge to transition us and I have found that focusing on the prospect of a brighter future is sometimes better than ‘being in the Now’ when the Now is painful.
In reflecting after the call, I realized that if Ben could find JOY in his current job and life, he could give his family a gift better than he could imagine in his mind. He was worried about being a good provider, Dad, and husband. But imagine if he could show them that he can have JOY and appreciation for the work he does have currently. It would be a far greater gift for his family than seeing the weight of the world on his shoulders.
And when we shift our frequency from pain to comfort, we can start attracting more of that which is good and is a better opportunity or a better fit for us.
I hope you may find this helpful for getting through the rough spots inlife and if you need help with kindness and tenderness for yourself, this blog post I did recently may help you as well. Here is the link:
Be happy with what you have while working for what you want.Anonymous
Maggie Holbik.com is a Certified Life Coach, Speaker, Workshop Facilitator and Blogger, who loves to make people feel better by using her words to uplift, inspire and shift frequencies from Fear to LOvE!
As of late, I seem to be lead to the words compassion and compassionate. I myself, am working diligently at being more compassionate and less judgmental which quite honestly is a work in progress. The cool thing though, is I am realizing that the more compassionate I am, the less I suffer. Wow. Think about that one for a moment…..
The More Compassionate We Are, The Less WE Suffer
The more compassionate we are, the less WE suffer. I don’t know about you, but I’m in. 🙂
Just imagine a scenario where and when you might be judging someone without compassion. Maybe it’s judging the acts of a parent from your childhood, or a situation you witnessed at the park, or someone who declares that they are a supporter of a certain cause, or way of being, and you witness the opposite, or the grumpy store clerk that you want to judge and give the evil eye to. You know this list. It’s endless.
When I was a teenager, I had an ‘experience’ which I will now call a spiritual experience. It was made known to me that I was here on earth to learn to “Love and Not Judge”. I mostly forgot about this for much of my life, but lately I am getting gentle nudges to remember this and to act upon it. These reminders come through movies like the one I watched the other day called “The Shack”, which I really en-JOY-ed and recommend. It’s now on Netflix.
Reminders also come from watching the pains of those I love and my own pains as we go through life and we interact with those around us. I am reminded to let go of being the ‘judger‘. I know not why people do what they do and really it does not matter. The only thing I know for sure is that LOVE does heal all wounds, and true healing love is unconditional. Maybe not always in this lifetime for everyone, but it is possible and that gives me HOPE. There is always HOPE.
The Less We Judge Others, The More Peaceful WE Are!
What I also know for sure, is that the less I judge, the more peaceful I am and the more peaceful those I encounter are. Who likes to be judged? It’s an awful feeling. It’s like when you have someone come into your home and tell you what you should get rid of, or that you don’t need something, or you do need something, or you shouldn’t wear a certain piece of clothing because of xyz, or you should lose weight, or you should gain weight, or you should quit smoking, or you should stop this behavior or that behavior, or you should be this way or that way, or you should have said this or you shouldn’t have said that. It truly feels like an invasion of self and soul and it makes one very vulnerable.
Start With Self & Then Expand
We all know that having compassion for oneself is the ultimate compassion mountain to climb. I can be very hard on myself, just like the clients I coach who tell me how hard they are on themselves, so I know it’s not just me. I think we all struggle with this one because we are so afraid of self betrayal and truly struggle with loving ourselves and knowing that we are worthy. The secret here, is that if there is no judgement, worth does not even come into question!!!!! Wowsa! Amazing! Eureka! Something to think on and ponder on very deeply……
I am bearing witness to the many ways I judge and I am working on getting better at it. I am sorry to all those who I have passed judgement on and yet I am compassionate for myself for doing so. The exciting thing about all of this, is that awareness moves us forward. I am excited to work on having more compassion and I understand that all journeys involve steps, but they all start with the first….
I hope you found some comfort in this writing and I would love to hear your comments on how you have found more compassion in your life. That is another thing that I have learned, we don’t have to do it all alone…. being together on the journey provides comfort as well.
Blessings to all of you reading this. Blessings sent to others are of the highest and most compassionate frequency available to us. It’s like LOVE at its utmost, so many, many BLESSINGS sent to you, right now, right in this moment as YOU read this words.
With Much Love,
Maggie Holbik.com is a Certified Life Coach, Board Certified Nutritionist and human being who is trying to remember to have more compassion and to forgive self and others quickly and easily so she can make space for more LOVE in her life and in the lives of those around her.
“The only way out of the labyrinth of suffering is to forgive.”
When I look at my neighbor, what do I see?
I see a person looking back at me.
Is the person I see compassionate and kind?
Are these the thoughts that go through my mind?
Do I see anger, loneliness and despair?
Does his life seem empty and full of fear?
Do I see Love, Beauty, and JOY?
Do I feel compassion and I don’t know why?
The thoughts that I have are who I must be…
Because the person I see, is a mirror of me.
Do you ever have visions or get inspired just before you wake up or get out of bed? I do often and this morning was no different. This little drawing was the first thing I did after making my lemon water this morning.
There are two things I am learning and getting at a much deeper level. One is that everything is art because we are all creators, so everything is art to me now… the food I make, the drawing/chart/whatever you want to call it picture in this blog post, the words I am writing, and on and on. It’s all art becaues I am creating it!
The second thing I am really understanding is that I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt, that everything IS energy, but now I am getting deeply how everything is about energy exchange! As my picture shows, there is energy being exchanged in all directions all the time:
Between the sun and the earth
Between the sun and food and growing food
Between the sun and people
Between the sun and our pets
Between us and our pets
Between people and people
Between business owners and their clients
Between words the reader of the words
Between sound and the listener of the sound
and on and on an on.
The key here is what kind of energy are you exchanging in any situation? Is it warming and soothing like the sun can be? Is it uplifting to your soul? Does it bring a smile to your face? Are your serving others with the energy you put out?
Why not ponder on this for a moment or as you go through your day? Observe the energy exchanges that you have and see if they are serving you for your highest good or if they could use some enhancements.
I will close with a saying that I think ties in well here and will leave you with this thought that I hit home on time and time again. “What you seek, seeks YOU!” So, think of that when you are out there exchanging energy. Want more love? Give more love! Want more kindness in your life? Give more kindness! Want more compassion in your life? Be more compassionate….. and on and on and on…
Have an amazing day everyone and I am sending you so much juicy positive energy that I KNOW you can feel it right now! Lap it up K? 🙂
Maggie Holbik.com is a Certified Life Coach and Artist… yep she’s an Artist 🙂 who loves to uplift and inspire others for no other reason other than it makes them feel good and in turn she feels good. 🙂 WOW! What she seeks, she gets 😉
Tonight I had a digital conversation with a coaching client and it brought up a very important topic, one that I think is important for all of us when we need to heal and move forward in life.
I will call my client Rose. We were discussing some pain around Rose and her feelings towards her departed mother. When Rose described to me the way her mother was in her actions, the behaviour that Rose found hurtful and negative, I asked Rose if she herself had ever behaved this way or could be seen this way. She responded with a “Yes”.
I then asked Rose to imagine her own child or children saying this about her 20 years from now. I then told her that she might feel like saying something like this in response “but you don’t understand why I felt like this, please don’t judge me, I need love actually”…
Rose was moved by this and started to shift the way she saw her mother. I also suggested she have compassion for her mother and to energetically hold her mother in her arms and tell her that she did not understand why she did or said the things she did that caused Rose pain, but that she would try to have compassion and understanding for her mother.
I suggested that Rose turn her loathing into love so that she, Rose, could release her own pain.
I also suggested to Rose that she see her Mom as a baby, a young girl, a woman her own age feeling the very inadequacies and pain that Rose herself now feels, and to see her mom as a vulnerable person rather than the mean person Rose saw from her own personalization of her mother that caused HER pain.
I also suggested to Rose that it is way easier to opt for anger and resentment than to Rise Above to Love, but Love will be what sets her free. Anger, blame and resentment are easy opt-ins for most people. I suggested to Rose that she had both the capacity and the space to rise above to love and that if her mother had felt love, understanding and felt supported in life, she would not have acted in the manner she had. People full of love do not hurt others. Hurt people hurt others.
Rose asked me if by shifting the way she saw her Mom did this mean she was she agreeing with what her mother did to her or how horribly she had treated her. I told her No and that she was meeting the situation with understanding at a higher level, and that she was having compassion for her mother. I asked Rose directly, if she really thought her mother would have behaved like that if she had felt good about herself, if she had felt loved and personally empowered. Rose answered “I guess not. I never thought about it like that”.
We concluded our conversation with Rose’s homework of holding her mother in her arms,in her mind, so that Rose could expand her own heart and include her Mom and herself, because what we give out we get back. I also reminded Rose that love can heal even after death and that if Rose wanted to heal and be free from pain, this would be of great benefit to her.
What about you? Who do you need to need to Rise Above to Love for? Maybe it’s a person or a situation. When you can expand your heart to shift the way you see the person or situation, and have compassion you will gain compassion and love for yourself too. Everyone wins here. 🙂
Maggie Holbik.com is a Certified Life Coach and Nutritionist who believes wholeheartedly in the power of Love and is working at finding more compassion in her own life for herself and others. Compassion is one of the beautiful threads in the tapestry of unconditional love that weaves the way to peace.
This morning I found myself mentally beating myself up. You all know what I am talking about right? The old being disappointed in ourselves for something we did or did not do, said, did not say, etc.
Here’s what I did when I caught myself. I said to myself “Maggie this is what makes you human and that’s beautiful”. Once I remembered that I was human and beautiful, I instantly had compassion for myself and then I stopped the madness. It kind of stopped me in my tracks and reminded me that beating myself up does not serve me! 🙂
Okay that’s it for this blog post. Short and Sweet. Hope it helps you stop the madness if you tend to berate yourself or beat yourself up. Carry on fellow humans. 🙂
Maggie Holbik.com is a Certified Life Coach and Nutritionist who is very much human and plugging along at the game of life, just like everyone. She wishes you more JOY and more Self-Love and please, please, remember to be your own best friend! 🙂
Have you ever marvelled at the human spirit? I know I have. Life is filled with both glory and pain. We all go through things in our lives and through life’s experiences that can be tremendously challenging, painful and even heart breaking.
Lately I have been reflecting on the human spirit and our will to go on. I have come to believe that our true beauty is in our humanness. What if we saw our so called shortcomings, our so called flaws and even our addictions, as the very things that make us beautiful and real? What if we realized that the very things we judge as ‘bad’ or ‘ugly’ are the things that in fact, make us beautiful? These are the things that make us human and alive. These are the raw truths that make us empathetic and compassionate toward others. What if we had more compassion for ourselves and actually saw the beauty in these ‘gifts’?
The next time you jump on yourself and are ready to be critical of yourself for something you did, said, or did not do, etc., why not stop yourself and remind yourself that this is what makes you beautiful? Try turning your disdain of self into appreciation of self. With compassion for self, we can have compassion for others.
A saying I use often is “Love is all there is.” If this is indeed true, we must all get better at loving ourselves. It has been said that it starts at home 🙂 I have personally put a note on my fridge to remind myself that these human traits are what makes me beautiful, alongside all of my beautiful soul sisters and brothers travelling with me here on earth.
This concept may seem a little weird, but I can say it really has helped me to see things differently within myself and with my judgement of myself. It makes me have much more compassion towards me, and I truly am starting to feel like I am my own best friend and that’s a really awesome feeling, I must say.
I hope you decide to hold yourself within the palm of your own hand and to see the beauty that is YOU.
Maggie Holbik.com is a Certified Life Coach and Nutritionist who is learning compassion for self and others. She truly believes that the answer to much of our personal pain in life could be alleviated with more self-love, and part of her mission here on earth is to empower others to love themselves more and to see the beauty in all aspects of self.
I have written before about the power of money in the sense that money is a tool. Like a hammer that can be used to build something or to destroy something, so can money do both of those things.
Today, however, I am going to share a whole new way of seeing money and its message. There is another power we sometimes fail to see. It is the energy that is used ALONG with money. In fact, money can be a messenger!
For example, I watched this video today. I will attach the link to this video at the end of the this post so you can watch and see what I mean.:-)
In the video a young man is given a $700 tip from a church and its members after delivering pizzas to them. He is so moved by it that he makes a video and it goes viral. He couldn’t believe that while he is struggling to get his life on track, so many strangers could care about him.
Let this sink in. The money is more than a monetary thing here. The money carries a message. A message of love, kindness, support, and compassion. Sure the money will help this young man, but what is infused in the giving of the money is even more so the gift.
How do you think about money? When you give it to someone or pay a bill, what do think? How do you feel? Do you give with gratitude? Do you give with loving intention? Or are do you give with mental brakes on?
For example, I am fortunate to have a personal assistant. Each week she makes my life easier and helps me for a couple of hours 2 to 3 times a week. I am in such gratitude for this woman and for her help. When I pay her through an e-transfer, nothing gives me more pleasure. I love sending her money. I love appreciating her! I love that we have a relationship in which we help and support each other. And I hope that when she pays this same money forward she does so with love also.
You see, like energy, money is ever moving, no matter how much or how little the amount. It is constantly in a state of motion, going from one person to another, in some form.
It is my hope that this message opens us up to a new way of thinking when we are transferring money or services, or words, or anything. Think of the message you are sending with whatever it is you are giving or paying or transferring.
Okay here’s the link and enjoy!
Today, during a trip to the grocery store, I stopped to give a homeless man some money. He looked me in the eye and said “Thank You”. I said “You’re Welcome” with a smile on my face. In that moment I thought to myself, this guy looks familiar. My rational mind then did its thing and told me I did not know him and why it was not possible.
In the next moment I had an AH HA moment. I truly got a deeper sense of the phrase ‘we are all one’. My spiritual self believes that we are all indeed one, but even with the removal of that belief, even for a brief moment, I had a new enlightenment about this.
Often when I travel and especially in airports, I think I see people I know. I then realize that oh yes I am in a different city, state, or country, and then I realize of course I do not know that person. But wait. Do I?
Yes, perhaps I do and we all do. Perhaps we have been the Mom juggling the child on her hip and pushing another in an umbrella stroller with bags to tow also. Perhaps we have been the lady or man in the chair crying because they have just lost a loved one and are travelling to attend their funeral. Perhaps we have been travelling for a special medical appointment because we have just gotten the scariest diagnosis ever. Perhaps we have been the excited bride on her way to a beachfront wedding. Perhaps? Perhaps?
I think I know you might be some very powerful words worth reflecting on. I think I know you may induce compassion, kindness, caring and love for our fellow man, woman, and children. I think I know you could change the world if we saw it this way.
I think I know you?