Tonight I had a digital conversation with a coaching client and it brought up a very important topic, one that I think is important for all of us when we need to heal and move forward in life.
I will call my client Rose. We were discussing some pain around Rose and her feelings towards her departed mother. When Rose described to me the way her mother was in her actions, the behaviour that Rose found hurtful and negative, I asked Rose if she herself had ever behaved this way or could be seen this way. She responded with a “Yes”.
I then asked Rose to imagine her own child or children saying this about her 20 years from now. I then told her that she might feel like saying something like this in response “but you don’t understand why I felt like this, please don’t judge me, I need love actually”…
Rose was moved by this and started to shift the way she saw her mother. I also suggested she have compassion for her mother and to energetically hold her mother in her arms and tell her that she did not understand why she did or said the things she did that caused Rose pain, but that she would try to have compassion and understanding for her mother.
I suggested that Rose turn her loathing into love so that she, Rose, could release her own pain.
I also suggested to Rose that she see her Mom as a baby, a young girl, a woman her own age feeling the very inadequacies and pain that Rose herself now feels, and to see her mom as a vulnerable person rather than the mean person Rose saw from her own personalization of her mother that caused HER pain.
I also suggested to Rose that it is way easier to opt for anger and resentment than to Rise Above to Love, but Love will be what sets her free. Anger, blame and resentment are easy opt-ins for most people. I suggested to Rose that she had both the capacity and the space to rise above to love and that if her mother had felt love, understanding and felt supported in life, she would not have acted in the manner she had. People full of love do not hurt others. Hurt people hurt others.
Rose asked me if by shifting the way she saw her Mom did this mean she was she agreeing with what her mother did to her or how horribly she had treated her. I told her No and that she was meeting the situation with understanding at a higher level, and that she was having compassion for her mother. I asked Rose directly, if she really thought her mother would have behaved like that if she had felt good about herself, if she had felt loved and personally empowered. Rose answered “I guess not. I never thought about it like that”.
We concluded our conversation with Rose’s homework of holding her mother in her arms,in her mind, so that Rose could expand her own heart and include her Mom and herself, because what we give out we get back. I also reminded Rose that love can heal even after death and that if Rose wanted to heal and be free from pain, this would be of great benefit to her.
What about you? Who do you need to need to Rise Above to Love for? Maybe it’s a person or a situation. When you can expand your heart to shift the way you see the person or situation, and have compassion you will gain compassion and love for yourself too. Everyone wins here. 🙂
Maggie Holbik.com is a Certified Life Coach and Nutritionist who believes wholeheartedly in the power of Love and is working at finding more compassion in her own life for herself and others. Compassion is one of the beautiful threads in the tapestry of unconditional love that weaves the way to peace.