faith, Life's Challenges, trust

14 Years Ago Today My Life was Forever Changed

Today is my late mother’s birthday. I will forever remember this day in the year 2005. It was the day that I found out I was pregnant. This was the biggest surprise that I have ever had in my life, and the best surprise of course. 🙂

I was absolutely shocked the day I found this out and it seems like it was just yesterday and a thousand years ago at the same time. It has been such a JOYous journey. Of course there have been the ups and the downs, but the JOY has been immense.

Sivanna was born premature at 32 weeks weighing 3lbs 15 oz. I can still see ‘my little bird’. She was so tiny and we fed her with a syringe.

This whole experience makes me think of two things:

1) Vulnerability

2) Faith & Trust

Not only was my little girl so young and vulnerable but so was I. I felt fragile and my whole world as I knew it changed in that moment when she was born. What I thought would be a JOYous time was actually a very fearful time and I had to have Faith & Trust and that was not easy. One thing that really helped me through this time was a voice that spoke to me one night before I even knew that I was pregnant, but was pregnant… The voice said “Don’t worry I am coming and everything will be okay”. I will never forget the night I heard that energetic voice while gazing at the stars from my hottub. Those words were a catalyst in my getting through the 39 days of Sivanna being in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) until I brought her home.

Another thing that helped me was her Dad who would say “Honey, some day this will just be a memory”. And that turned out to be true.

Me holding my little bird

When I look at this picture and into my eyes I see the fear and yet I see the strength that got this woman through this to what is now just a memory. There were so many great lessons through this struggle and I appreciate every one. I believe in life the greatest trials lead us to the greatest JOYs.

I am forever amazed and how tiny her hand was. A sight I will always remember. That tiny little hand now makes art, scratches my back and also holds my hand. ❤

I am also grateful for so many things in my life. I am grateful for my daughter Sivanna Rose. I am grateful for the amazing health care that we received in this beautiful country. I am grateful that that fearful time is indeed now a memory and I’m excited. I am excited for another day on earth. I am excited for what lies ahead for myself and my family.

And Mom, I send you Happy Heavenly Birthday wishes. It will always be special to me that your birthday was the day I found out my life was to be forever changed with the gift of a daughter of my own.

My Mother and I sometime long ago. She died in 1993. Interestingly my daughter’s school is in the background here.
faith, thoughts are things

How Miraculous!!!!!!

Today, while organizing some things, I dropped a packet of seeds and they fell onto a table. I think they are zucchini seeds. I marveled at how these tiny, tiny, seeds become gorgeous zucchinis. In that moment I reflected on the miracle of all living things and that we too come from a tiny, tiny, egg that meets a tiny, tiny, sperm. All of this is miraculous to me!

I also thought about how the seeds produce and they make more seeds to recreate the miracle. WOW! I hadn’t really pondered on that before in such a way and I opened myself up to the profoundness of it.

It got me thinking…… this is like our ideas and our dreams. If we have ideas (seeds) but we don’t plant them, they die and they do not grow and they do not reproduce. This is huge. So then how important is it to nurture your ideas, wants and desires? Super important! These seeds can create worlds but we need to plant them so they continue to give.

I also thought about the biblical saying about the faith of a mustard seed so I googled and there are a few but this one wowed me: ” “The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and sowed in his field; and this is smaller than all other seeds, but when it is full grown, it is larger than the garden plants and becomes a tree, so that THE BIRDS OF THE AIR come and NEST IN ITS BRANCHES.

This one kind of brings it all home for me. If we can produce life from a tiny, tiny, seed and life is a miracle so be it when we ‘sow it in our field’ or our mind! If we can have the faith of a tiny, tiny, mustard seed, which is smaller than all other seeds, but when it is full grown, is larger than the garden plants and becomes a tree (larger than life) and then the birds can nest in it’s branches …… the seed feeds the cycle of life and rebirth. WOW!

I have a whole new respect for the power of a tiny, tiny, seed. I will remind myself that my thoughts are tiny, tiny, seeds that can grow to huge proportions and that can do great things in the world! I will use them wisely and I will have faith in the power of tiny, tiny, seeds. 🙂

Be sure you plants seeds that you want to grow. Let’s not die with our seeds still in us, shall we? 🙂 Happy Gardening!