compassion, kindness, Self-care, self-love

Getting Through The Rough Spots in Life

I had a call from a coaching client looking for some quick tips to get him through a rough spot. For the sake of confidentiality I will call him “Ben”.

Ben called me and expressed that he was feeling inadequate in his life, in his job, and as a provider to his family.

We chatted for a while and I suggested to Ben that he be more gentle on himself and that he talk to himself as a best friend would do. I asked him what he would say to the 5 year old version of himself? He responded with something like “you will have to figure a way out of this”.

I suggested that he might say things like:

I’ve got your back.

I’m here for you.

It’s not as bad as it seems.

Together we will get through this.

I also suggested to Ben that if he could work at getting excited about what the future holds, it could help him bridge himself from his painful present. Sometimes we need a bridge to transition us and I have found that focusing on the prospect of a brighter future is sometimes better than ‘being in the Now’ when the Now is painful.

In reflecting after the call, I realized that if Ben could find JOY in his current job and life, he could give his family a gift better than he could imagine in his mind. He was worried about being a good provider, Dad, and husband. But imagine if he could show them that he can have JOY and appreciation for the work he does have currently. It would be a far greater gift for his family than seeing the weight of the world on his shoulders.

And when we shift our frequency from pain to comfort, we can start attracting more of that which is good and is a better opportunity or a better fit for us.

I hope you may find this helpful for getting through the rough spots inlife and if you need help with kindness and tenderness for yourself, this blog post I did recently may help you as well. Here is the link:
https://maggiesvitamins.blog/2019/04/23/tenderness-kindness/

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Be happy with what you have while working for what you want.

Anonymous

Maggie Holbik.com is a Certified Life Coach, Speaker, Workshop Facilitator and Blogger, who loves to make people feel better by using her words to uplift, inspire and shift frequencies from Fear to LOvE!

compassion, kindess, self-love

3 Ways to Be More Compassionate & How It Can Free YOU!

As of late, I seem to be lead to the words compassion and compassionate. I myself, am working diligently at being more compassionate and less judgmental which quite honestly is a work in progress. The cool thing though, is I am realizing that the more compassionate I am, the less I suffer. Wow. Think about that one for a moment…..

The More Compassionate We Are, The Less WE Suffer

The more compassionate we are, the less WE suffer. I don’t know about you, but I’m in. πŸ™‚

Just imagine a scenario where and when you might be judging someone without compassion. Maybe it’s judging the acts of a parent from your childhood, or a situation you witnessed at the park, or someone who declares that they are a supporter of a certain cause, or way of being, and you witness the opposite, or the grumpy store clerk that you want to judge and give the evil eye to. You know this list. It’s endless.

When I was a teenager, I had an ‘experience’ which I will now call a spiritual experience. It was made known to me that I was here on earth to learn to “Love and Not Judge”. I mostly forgot about this for much of my life, but lately I am getting gentle nudges to remember this and to act upon it. These reminders come through movies like the one I watched the other day called “The Shack”, which I really en-JOY-ed and recommend. It’s now on Netflix.

Reminders also come from watching the pains of those I love and my own pains as we go through life and we interact with those around us. I am reminded to let go of being the ‘judger‘. I know not why people do what they do and really it does not matter. The only thing I know for sure is that LOVE does heal all wounds, and true healing love is unconditional. Maybe not always in this lifetime for everyone, but it is possible and that gives me HOPE. There is always HOPE.

The Less We Judge Others, The More Peaceful WE Are!

What I also know for sure, is that the less I judge, the more peaceful I am and the more peaceful those I encounter are. Who likes to be judged? It’s an awful feeling. It’s like when you have someone come into your home and tell you what you should get rid of, or that you don’t need something, or you do need something, or you shouldn’t wear a certain piece of clothing because of xyz, or you should lose weight, or you should gain weight, or you should quit smoking, or you should stop this behavior or that behavior, or you should be this way or that way, or you should have said this or you shouldn’t have said that. It truly feels like an invasion of self and soul and it makes one very vulnerable.

Start With Self & Then Expand

We all know that having compassion for oneself is the ultimate compassion mountain to climb. I can be very hard on myself, just like the clients I coach who tell me how hard they are on themselves, so I know it’s not just me. I think we all struggle with this one because we are so afraid of self betrayal and truly struggle with loving ourselves and knowing that we are worthy. The secret here, is that if there is no judgement, worth does not even come into question!!!!! Wowsa! Amazing! Eureka! Something to think on and ponder on very deeply……

I am bearing witness to the many ways I judge and I am working on getting better at it. I am sorry to all those who I have passed judgement on and yet I am compassionate for myself for doing so. The exciting thing about all of this, is that awareness moves us forward. I am excited to work on having more compassion and I understand that all journeys involve steps, but they all start with the first….

I hope you found some comfort in this writing and I would love to hear your comments on how you have found more compassion in your life. That is another thing that I have learned, we don’t have to do it all alone…. being together on the journey provides comfort as well.

Blessings to all of you reading this. Blessings sent to others are of the highest and most compassionate frequency available to us. It’s like LOVE at its utmost, so many, many BLESSINGS sent to you, right now, right in this moment as YOU read this words.

With Much Love,

Maggie

Maggie Holbik.com is a Certified Life Coach, Board Certified Nutritionist and human being who is trying to remember to have more compassion and to forgive self and others quickly and easily so she can make space for more LOVE in her life and in the lives of those around her.


β€œThe only way out of the labyrinth of suffering is to forgive.”

john green

compassion, Don's Poems, kindness

The Mirror

A Poem by Don, year unknown

The Mirror

When I look at my neighbor, what do I see?

I see a person looking back at me.

Is the person I see compassionate and kind?

Are these the thoughts that go through my mind?

Do I see anger, loneliness and despair?

Does his life seem empty and full of fear?

Do I see Love, Beauty, and JOY?

Do I feel compassion and I don’t know why?

The thoughts that I have are who I must be…

Because the person I see, is a mirror of me.

Don Perry

compassion, kindness, Poems by Don, poetry

Kindness

A Poem by my Spouse and Friend, Don Perry

Kindness

In goodness and kindness, God made us like him,

So we can make a difference in this world we are in.

Be kind to the person with the different colored skin,

For he is your brother with the same feelings within.

Be kind to the beggar who begs night and day,

For we don’t know why his life is that way.

Be kind to the person who is having a bad day.

Forgive and don’t judge him for he words he might say.

Be kind with your words and things that you do,

And people will like it and duplicate you.

If we are all being kind in the things that we do and say,

We can change the world as we know it today.

Don Perry

January, 2001

compassion, Forgiving, Life Coaching, Life's Challenges, love

Rise Above to Love

Tonight I had a digital conversation with a coaching client and it brought up a very important topic, one that I think is important for all of us when we need to heal and move forward in life.

I will call my client Rose. We were discussing some pain around Rose and her feelings towards her departed mother. When Rose described to me the way her mother was in her actions, the behaviour that Rose found hurtful and negative, I asked Rose if she herself had ever behaved this way or could be seen this way. She responded with a “Yes”.

I then asked Rose to imagine her own child or children saying this about her 20 years from now. I then told her that she might feel like saying something like this in response “but you don’t understand why I felt like this, please don’t judge me, I need love actually”…

Rose was moved by this and started to shift the way she saw her mother. I also suggested she have compassion for her mother and to energetically hold her mother in her arms and tell her that she did not understand why she did or said the things she did that caused Rose pain, but that she would try to have compassion and understanding for her mother.

I suggested that Rose turn her loathing into love so that she, Rose, could release her own pain.

I also suggested to Rose that she see her Mom as a baby, a young girl, a woman her own age feeling the very inadequacies and pain that Rose herself now feels, and to see her mom as a vulnerable person rather than the mean person Rose saw from her own personalization of her mother that caused HER pain.

I also suggested to Rose that it is way easier to opt for anger and resentment than to Rise Above to Love, but Love will be what sets her free. Anger, blame and resentment are easy opt-ins for most people. I suggested to Rose that she had both the capacity and the space to rise above to love and that if her mother had felt love, understanding and felt supported in life, she would not have acted in the manner she had. People full of love do not hurt others. Hurt people hurt others.

Rose asked me if by shifting the way she saw her Mom did this mean she was she agreeing with what her mother did to her or how horribly she had treated her. I told her No and that she was meeting the situation with understanding at a higher level, and that she was having compassion for her mother. I asked Rose directly, if she really thought her mother would have behaved like that if she had felt good about herself, if she had felt loved and personally empowered. Rose answered “I guess not. I never thought about it like that”.

We concluded our conversation with Rose’s homework of holding her mother in her arms,in her mind, so that Rose could expand her own heart and include her Mom and herself, because what we give out we get back. I also reminded Rose that love can heal even after death and that if Rose wanted to heal and be free from pain, this would be of great benefit to her.

What about you? Who do you need to need to Rise Above to Love for? Maybe it’s a person or a situation. When you can expand your heart to shift the way you see the person or situation, and have compassion you will gain compassion and love for yourself too. Everyone wins here. πŸ™‚

Maggie Holbik.com is a Certified Life Coach and Nutritionist who believes wholeheartedly in the power of Love and is working at finding more compassion in her own life for herself and others. Compassion is one of the beautiful threads in the tapestry of unconditional love that weaves the way to peace.