faith, Life's Challenges, trust

14 Years Ago Today My Life was Forever Changed

Today is my late mother’s birthday. I will forever remember this day in the year 2005. It was the day that I found out I was pregnant. This was the biggest surprise that I have ever had in my life, and the best surprise of course. 🙂

I was absolutely shocked the day I found this out and it seems like it was just yesterday and a thousand years ago at the same time. It has been such a JOYous journey. Of course there have been the ups and the downs, but the JOY has been immense.

Sivanna was born premature at 32 weeks weighing 3lbs 15 oz. I can still see ‘my little bird’. She was so tiny and we fed her with a syringe.

This whole experience makes me think of two things:

1) Vulnerability

2) Faith & Trust

Not only was my little girl so young and vulnerable but so was I. I felt fragile and my whole world as I knew it changed in that moment when she was born. What I thought would be a JOYous time was actually a very fearful time and I had to have Faith & Trust and that was not easy. One thing that really helped me through this time was a voice that spoke to me one night before I even knew that I was pregnant, but was pregnant… The voice said “Don’t worry I am coming and everything will be okay”. I will never forget the night I heard that energetic voice while gazing at the stars from my hottub. Those words were a catalyst in my getting through the 39 days of Sivanna being in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) until I brought her home.

Another thing that helped me was her Dad who would say “Honey, some day this will just be a memory”. And that turned out to be true.

Me holding my little bird

When I look at this picture and into my eyes I see the fear and yet I see the strength that got this woman through this to what is now just a memory. There were so many great lessons through this struggle and I appreciate every one. I believe in life the greatest trials lead us to the greatest JOYs.

I am forever amazed and how tiny her hand was. A sight I will always remember. That tiny little hand now makes art, scratches my back and also holds my hand. ❤

I am also grateful for so many things in my life. I am grateful for my daughter Sivanna Rose. I am grateful for the amazing health care that we received in this beautiful country. I am grateful that that fearful time is indeed now a memory and I’m excited. I am excited for another day on earth. I am excited for what lies ahead for myself and my family.

And Mom, I send you Happy Heavenly Birthday wishes. It will always be special to me that your birthday was the day I found out my life was to be forever changed with the gift of a daughter of my own.

My Mother and I sometime long ago. She died in 1993. Interestingly my daughter’s school is in the background here.

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